FINDING “the one” IN A PANDEMIC

Hello Laidezzz,

2020/21 has definitely been a “hopeful hopeless” year on the relationship scene. Everybody is getting engaged and married…cheii. However, as engagement and proposal videos flood IG and Facebook, there are still some of us waiting earnestly to find “the one”. You may be questioning yourself, “Is there still hope for me?” “Is this really possible in the middle of a pandemic?” Yes dears, it is. This one’s for you! Yes, dating in a pandemic can be tricky, but that doesn’t mean you can’t give it a try...The key word is PATIENCE.

Just to clarify, who is “the one”? - My Nigerian aunties all know that “the one” aka “a suitor” is really someone you’re hoping to be in a long-term relationship with.

Here are some tips and tricks for finding “the one” in a pandemic.

Whilst you’re still searching:

• Don’t get caught up with LONELINESS: Being in a pandemic means a lot of people are really lonely nowadays. If what you’re really aimed at is finding “the one”, be aware of this fact. Let it be an eye-opener for you, so you don’t end up wasting your time with unserious people.

• Search with the RIGHT INTENTIONS: Yes, you may be lonely yourself. But if what you are really aimed at is finding “the one”, don’t let your loneliness cloud your judgement. Which brings me to my next point…

• Stay in touch and CONNECT with your trusted friends and family during this period - This is an easy way to keep your mental health whilst preventing yourself from getting forced into wrong relationships, just because you are lonely.

**Loneliness is real and human, but learning how to control it will prevent you from wasting your time with unserious people**

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When you in fact meet a potential match:

• Use video calls to communicate whenever possible - Getting to know someone virtually is already challenging enough, virtual calls are your best bet to communicate effectively and efficiently.

• Spice it up! - when those video calls get boring, remember that you can create virtual dates for yourselves. There are several virtual date ideas online, however, I have found that the ones that simulate reality as closely as possible always work best

• Set boundaries on timing and frequency of communication - The pandemic can be a stressful time for most people, as they are having to balance “keeping their jobs”, whilst attending to family, whilst having a social life. Discuss with your partner what communication should look like, because trust me, if they are having a difficult time, overwhelming them with calls and texts could be a total turn off.

• Guard your heart

• Give yourself time to study each other - Dating in a pandemic requires a lot of patience, since you are most likely not meeting in person as often as you should

• Understand that meeting someone virtually alone doesn’t show you their full character - It’s also not advisable to begin a relationship when you’ve barely met in person. I was very amazed by the amount of people I found started relationships with people they had never met in person. Don’t fall into this trap. You need to “experience life” with someone, in order to actually know their true character

• Involve your close friends and/or family - seeking opinions from your close friends may actually help you see clearer most times - they can see things you are blinded from by love/infatuation

• Don’t ignore the red flags - Because…red flags that you ignore now will resurface later as “bigger mightier problems”. Why waste time?

• Revisit your core values - For long-term stability and peace, you need to be with someone that embodies your core values. Some people call these the “non-negotiables”…values that you can’t compromise on.

• Remove any external pressures that force you to want to date - Don’t "focus on" or "envy" other people’s relationships. Focus on YOU and YOUR PROCESS. Your own time will come.

• Based on Yvonne Orji’s TED talk, “The Wait is Sexy”:

Wait on:

1. The person who sees you for you and loves you regardless

2. The person who sees value in what you value

3. Purpose, not in fear

4. The one who makes you a priority

5. The one who meets your standards

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In closing:

• Understand that, regardless of whether there is a pandemic or not, you will find “the one” at some point

• If all else fails, use this time to love yourself & prepare yourself for “the one” - INVEST in yourself rather than force a relationship just because you’re lonely . Get a hobby, take a course, start a company. Be a BOSS in all aspects of your life!

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Yours sincerely, ... <3

Vee